Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
