god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
