if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
