Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
