you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
