I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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