I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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