i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
