i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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