Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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