thus making me awesome and them whores
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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