So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
