Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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