I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
