Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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