Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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