he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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