i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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