Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
