I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
