My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
