It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
