the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
