I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
