Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dicks are not precious.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
