Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
