I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
