I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
