Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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