May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Houston, we have a blender
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
