Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
