worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
