Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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