You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
