And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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