you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
