I puked a lego.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
