When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
