If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
