just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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