Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
