she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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