just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
