so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
