I'm so fucking centered right now
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
