please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
