I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
