I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
