dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
