pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
