i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
