Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
