What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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